Elephant Parenting: A Guide to this Nurturing Style of Parenting

Introduction

Are you an elephant parent? Or maybe a dolphin mom? What about a snowplow dad? For some, knowing your particular parenting style says just as much about your personality as your zodiac sign. While most experts agree there are four major parenting styles (authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninvolved), some online spaces and parenting experts categorize these even further into subtypes like the helicopter or panda parent.

What Is Elephant Parenting?

“Elephant parenting is a newer term, much like helicopter or snowplow parenting,” says Tokunbo Akande, MD, an integrative pediatrician at Sanford Health and founder of Harmony 360 Health. While the latter two are used to describe parenting styles that are overly attentive and focused on removing every obstacle from a child’s path, respectively, the elephant parent prioritizes emotional security above all else. Journalist Priyanka Sharma-Sindhar coined the phrase in an essay for The Atlantic as an alternative style of parenting to tiger parenting and its more goal-oriented nature.

Signs You Might Be an Elephant Parent

1. You’re always checking in with your child’s feelings. According to Domingues, this can be as simple as, “touching base with your child, asking how they’re doing and how their day was.” It’s something most parents do naturally, but the elephant parent will show more empathy in their response—like asking how a child feels about a bad grade at school, rather than expressing disappointment or doling out a punishment.

2. You let the kids lead the conversation at the dinner table. “Actually allowing them to lead in play or interaction—and being present—is elephant parenting,” Domingues explains. “You’re creating safety and structure in terms of relationship building.”

3. You have to fight the urge to step in and solve problems. Elephant parents are known for their nurturing and protective style, but this desire to shield their children from anything negative can backfire if they find themselves constantly helping their little ones instead of giving them a chance to figure it out on their own.

4. You’ll let your child go down the tallest slide … to an extent. At the playground, some parents like to step back so their kids can have the freedom to explore, while others hover close by just in case anything happens. Elephant parents fall somewhere in between—they may feel anxious about their child heading straight for the climbing rocks, but they’ll allow it with close supervision and guidance on how to do it safely.

5. You let your child co-sleep after a nightmare. Elephant parents are less likely to try the cry it out technique with their baby, and they’re quick to comfort and cuddle a child who is having a bad night.

6. You let your child quit a sport or hobby they don’t love. Elephant parents would never demand their child continue with an activity just because they personally have dreams of success or other goal-oriented pursuits.

7. You’re tempted to step in during a playtime spat. There will be times when your child squabbles with another over a toy or doesn’t get along with another kid at school.

What Elephant Parenting Gets Right

Elephant parents typically form a healthy dynamic with their children, one that prioritizes communication and connection. “A very healthy relationship with your child is incredibly important when it comes to learning new experiences and helping them move forward in life,” says Domingues.

—
Read More For Parents