Child Preferring Grandparents Over Parents: A Common Phenomenon
One little girl seems to have had the time of her life at her grandmother’s house for two weeks. And when Mom came to pick her up? Judging from a TikTok video racking up tons of views and comments, she didn’t want to go. In the video, the original poster, @destinymonicaa, opens the door to see her daughter, Olivia, after a two-week stay at Grandma’s. She may have expected a happy greeting—like the one dogs give their favorite humans after they return from a 10-minute coffee run. The reality was different. Sweet little Olivia looks sad and begins to cry. “I don’t know, but this kind of hurts my feelings,” wrote the OP. “Does anyone else have a child obsessed with their grandparents?” She included laughing and crying emojis and the hashtag #spoiled. Generally, it appears she was having some fun and not taking it too personally, and many of the 33K commenters could relate. “She was in mid-FUN…. and y’all show up!” wrote one person. “Why do they act like they have terrible lives at home,” another quipped. “We call Grandma’s house Disneyland,” said someone else. It seems like everyone is having a good time with this one.
Understanding Your Child’s Connection with Grandparents
Sometimes, these reactions can be a source of stress for parents who may be genuinely hurt by a child who wants to stay with their grandparents and struggle to contain their feelings about it. For starters? It might help to know that this behavior is normal (and even expected). “A child may do this because grandparents are not responsible for raising the child in the same way a parent is, which would include enforcing rules and discipline,” says Holly Schiff, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist at South County Psychiatry. “Grandparents tend to cut their grandchildren a lot more slack than parents would.”
Managing Your Emotions as a Parent
Hot take: Yes, of course. You can’t control your feelings. “A parent’s feelings might be hurt because they do all the ‘hard’ work and heavy lifting and may feel under-appreciated for all the things they do,” Dr. Schiff says. “They may also take it personally, feeling like their child ‘prefers’ their grandparents over them or maybe loves them more.” However, you can control how you react to those feelings. Parents should consider a mindset shift and look at the positives of kids feeling close to their grandparents. “It just means that your child has a special bond with their grandparents, which is a great thing,” Dr. Schiff says. “This in no way takes away or detracts from the bond and relationship you have with your child. Try to be grateful that your child has such wonderful grandparents who love your child so much and are nurturing a special relationship with them.”
Setting Boundaries with Grandparents
It gets trickier if a grandparent’s house is a free-for-all. While different rules may apply, consistently stepping over a parent’s boundaries on sugar, screen time, and other priorities warrants a discussion between adults if it threatens a child’s safety or consistently makes re-entry to home life challenging. “It is important for parents to set boundaries with grandparents when it comes to how they treat your child,” Dr. Schiff says. “Communicate your boundaries clearly so they can respect your way of doing things… Explain your choices and where you are coming from, so even if they do not agree, they understand your rationale and reasoning.” That said, Dr. Schiff suggests choosing your battles. Is one trip to the ice cream store during a two-week sleepover a hill worth dying on? That’s ultimately up to you. “Decide what things you can settle on versus other things you have a harder stance on,” says Dr. Schiff. Ask yourself, “What are my non-negotiables?” Understand that grandparents may have different approaches, and sometimes, that’s OK—and even to a child’s benefit. They’ll also have different rules at school and in sports, right? “You want to let the grandparents create their own dynamic with your child, so maybe ease up on the rules that are less essential,” Dr. Schiff says. “Kids can differentiate and understand that there are different rules at home vs. their grandparents’ house.”
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