Everything You Need to Know About Fat Bear Week 2023
Are you ready for the “Fat Bear Week” 2023 presented by the National Park Service? This much-anticipated event, spanning from October 4 to October 10, lets you cast your vote for the chunkiest bear preparing for hibernation.
A Message from the Spokesbear of the Nationwide Bear Coalition
Bear with us for a moment. Let us introduce you to Titus, the spokesbear for a nationwide coalition of bears. These bears have embraced a healthier, more active lifestyle instead of gorging themselves pre-hibernation.
They respect their Alaskan bear buddies participating in this year’s Fat Bear Week at Katmai National Park. However, they can’t help but wonder why the emphasis is always on the chubbier bears.
It’s Time for Fit Bear Week
Why not represent these fit bears too? Thus, the idea for Fit Bear Week was born. An online competition advocating for healthy living among all bear types, from grizzly to black, polar to panda.
These fit bears have long lived in the shadows, hiding their workout equipment in their dens, and hosting secret body sculpting classes during winter. But no more. They appointed the California grizzly, Roarnold Schwarzenbear, as president of their new organization – Bears Intent on Getting Rrrrripped, or BiGrrrr.
Schwarzenbear emphasizes that they understand the attention given to the participants of Fat Bear Week. However, they want to show that fit bears have their own unique value to the National Park Service and should not remain unseen.
Fit Bears: Coming Out of the Shadows
These words of courage were spoken after a recent 10K in Montana, attended by numerous bears who bravely revealed their fit and muscular bodies.
“Look at us. We curl logs, get our daily steps in, and watch our salmon intake. There is no shame in that. We all deserve admiration just like our hefty friends in Alaska that the humans keep praising online,” Schwarzenbear roared.
A Plea to Celebrate All Bears
The organization, BiGrrrr, implores people not to divert attention away from Fat Bear Week. They simply ask for an opportunity to showcase what they’ve got to offer. Whether it’s chiseled pecs, low BMIs, or the ability to resist eating a stumbling hunter.
Celebrating Both Fat Bears and Fit Bears
Fit bears deserve their moment in the sun. And in the pursuit of fairness and bear-equity, the nation needs Fit Bear Week. Best of all, it can be held during the winter months when the fat bears are hibernating. Because as they say, “Get rrrrrripped or die tryin’!”
Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on X, formerly Twitter, @RexHuppke and Facebook facebook.com/RexIsAJerk
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