Teaching Kids Life Skills Through Games
Contrary to what some parents might believe, it actually is okay to let your kids win sometimes. You should be sure, however, that you aren’t encouraging cheating—and that kids know that sometimes disappointment is just part of life. When kids do lose, there are still important lessons for them to learn, including the importance of teamwork, problem-solving, and resilience. Play is essential to childhood—not only does it bring kids joy, but play is also essential to their overall well-being. Whether it’s open-ended, imaginative play or structured games, play teaches children how to follow directions, take turns, listen, and build vital socio-emotional skills—not to mention that most play activities often get them away from screens, get them outside, and get their bodies moving. But as much as kids love to play, losing can feel devastating when they don’t yet have the skills to cope with a loss. And most parents don’t like to see their kids’ fun turn to tears. Caregivers may be tempted to let kids win or even cheat to avoid meltdowns and tantrums. While that may work in the short term, losing at games and sports helps us learn what it takes to succeed and how to handle failure with resiliency and grace.
The Importance of Letting Kids Win
It’s tempting to let kids win at games and sports to make the experience more pleasant for everyone, eliminating disappointment and potential tantrums—especially because you don’t want to turn young kids off the idea of games if they frequently lose. While it’s important for kids to experience disappointment and loss in ways that make them feel safe and supported, there are also some advantages to stacking the deck in favor of younger players if it’s a strategy that is deployed thoughtfully. Here are some tips for playing with kids in constructive ways that let them win while still teaching them important life skills.
Creating a Positive Gaming Environment
Shebna Osanmoh, a psychiatric nurse practitioner, advises taking an age- and stage-based approach. “Positive early experiences with games and competition are important for 3 to 5-year-olds. At this stage frequent wins help build their confidence and keep them interested in playing,” says Osanmoh. “6 to 9-year-olds need a balance of winning and losing.” Osanmoh suggests that parents “build fair competition into the game by handicapping, such as playing with their non-dominant hand in sports or giving the child more pieces in board games.” This method of play balances the fun aspects of the game—the child still experiences winning through effort—”while the game remains challenging and fun.”
The Value of Cooperative Games
Competitive games rely on a win or loose outcome, which can cause hurt feelings or conflict. Families might try integrating more cooperative games into their playtime, which require that all players work together to achieve a common goal or result, and might even boost communication between peers. There are is no single winner or loser; instead all the players either succeed together or play again until they do. Like competitive games, cooperative games still get kids moving and help develop their problem solving skills. But the upside of cooperative games is that eliminate the question of whether or not to “let” your kids win because they don’t rely on this premise at all—rather cooperative games put the emphasis on teamwork and creativity.
Teaching Kids Through Games
Here are the life skills that kids can learn if they lose the game: Losing at games is a safe way in which kids can build determination and to persevere in the face of failure. As children mature and develop game playing skills, they begin to benefit more from real competition without artificial wins. Losing allows them to hone their problem-solving skills and practice resilience. As they get older, it might even teach them the value of good sportsmanship. Osanmoh notes that although losing might elicit some feelings of sadness, disappointment, and even anger in kids of all ages, this outcome has serious value. “When the child loses, parents can model good sportsmanship and turn losses into learning opportunities by talking about what worked and what didn’t.”
Be Sure to Draw the Line at Cheating
It’s important to note that creating house rules or artificial handicaps to help younger players is different from letting kids cheat or intentionally performing poorly so that they can win. By reconfiguring the game to allow all players an equal chance of winning, you can hold firm boundaries around cheating, which is never acceptable. When kids lose a fair game, they may still be extremely disappointed, in which case, parents can validate their feelings and model good sportsmanship. So Should You Let Your Kid Win? Try to focus less on the outcome of playing with your child, and simply enjoy the game—which takes the pressure off them, prioritizes fun and bonding, and shifts the focus to the skills the game builds. “Children learn best by what we do, not what we say,” says Ford. “So skip the lectures and focus on your actions during gameplay. Begin to model good sportsmanship and celebrate all players during gameplay.”
What About Video Games? Teacher and gaming educator Ash Brandin said in an Instagram reel that if you play video games with your kids, you might experiment with allowing your child to win so that you can model how to lose graciously, and regulate intense emotions about losing at the same time. “Knowing how to lose is something we have to practice. And due to their age and general abilities, kids end up losing a lot more than adults, and that’s really difficult! The number one thing that we can do to help our kids in their situation is model how to lose,” they wrote in the video’s caption. How to Talk to Kids About Games…
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