How to Have a Healthy Co-Parenting Relationship

Establish Clear Boundaries for Effective Co-Parenting

Co-parenting is an arrangement between parents who are not in a romantic relationship with each other but work together to raise their child and ensure they grow up in a safe and loving environment. To work, co-parenting requires that both parents contribute to their child’s care, upbringing, and activities and interact frequently and respectfully with one another. The best co-parenting relationships involve the parents putting their personal feelings aside to give their child what they need emotionally and physically. To start, try to identify what is going well rather than focusing on what’s not working. That way, you can accentuate the positives as you work toward resolving parenting conflicts with your ex.

Establish a Predetermined Schedule for Co-Parenting

One of the trickier parts of co-parenting involves managing schedules. Parenting time transitions are more manageable for everyone involved when the schedule represents a solid, predetermined routine rather than an iffy, “we’ll see” type of arrangement. Parents who’ve reached a healthy level of communication know they can count on the other parent to maintain their commitments unless something extraordinary requires a change in the routine. Research has found that consistent routines improve kids’ mental health and reduce incidents of depression, suicidality, impulsivity, and aggression. Routines are essential in higher-stress environments like divorce.

Be Flexible While Co-Parenting

While routine is healthy, it’s also important to be flexible with one another while co-parenting. A healthy approach is to be as accommodating with your ex as you’d like them to be with you. Even if you suspect your ex may not return the courtesy, try to be the bigger person. Demonstrating how you’d like things to be between you can be more effective than repeatedly telling them that the current arrangement isn’t working or displeases you. A lack of flexibility can inevitably lead to more conflict, which, in turn, creates a sense of instability for kids.

Defer to Your Co-Parent in Co-Parenting

This is another sign of a healthy co-parenting relationship. Parents who work well together and collaborate as parents will call one another to offer an opportunity to be with the kids before leaving them with a babysitter. Some families write this intention into their parenting plan. Whether you take that formal step or not, it’s common courtesy to ask your ex if they would be willing to take the kids rather than leave them with a sitter. Of course, this works best when parents live in close proximity.

Agree on Important Parenting Decisions

No two parents are going to agree on every decision. However, co-parents who work together well for the sake of their kids have reached a basic level of agreement on the most important things. Try to come to a consensus on issues about important things like children’s health, discipline, education, and spiritual upbringing. In some cases, a written parenting plan has helped co-parents reach this healthy level of communication.

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