Explaining How Babies are Made to Children
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where your child asks, “How are babies made?” It’s a question that many parents are never fully ready to answer for their young kids—especially when it comes out of the blue. The question may be spurred by the fact that you or your partner is pregnant, or someone you know has just announced their pregnancy or had a baby. It’s natural for a child to be curious. If you have been caught off guard, don’t hesitate to take a few moments to compose yourself before answering. (An upbeat “that’s a great question!” can buy you some time.) When you’re ready, do your best to answer your child’s question without making it a big deal.
How to Explain Where Babies Come From
Explaining to children where babies come from can seem like a daunting task. Here’s a guide on how to best explain how babies are made no matter what age your kid is.
Determine what your child knows
Start the conversation by establishing what your child already knows (or thinks they know) about where babies come from. Ask a few questions to gauge your child’s level of understanding and what they think pregnancy is all about. Chatting casually gives you an idea of which words to use and how to employ your child’s existing understanding to fill in the blanks cohesively. For example, you might start the conversation with a preschooler by asking, “Do you know how the baby got into my belly?” Listen to their response, and then respond.
Using Scientific Vocabulary
You may also explain the basics of penis-in-vagina sex and how sometimes babies are made when a penis deposits sperm in the vagina, which travels to an egg, and the two join together to make an embryo. Make your discussion age-appropriate and inclusive by sharing other ways families are created, such as with a doctor’s help, adoption, or surrogacy.
By and large, children don’t have the same knee-jerk reactions to sex or body parts that adults do. They don’t feel shame or embarrassment unless that shame or embarrassment is directly or indirectly communicated to them, so do your best to stay neutral and matter-of-fact.
Choose words carefully
Children’s understanding grows through different ages and stages of development. When talking, always use vocabulary that relates to words and concepts your child already uses and understands. While a 3-year-old and a 6-year-old may ask the same question regarding how babies are made, the context may be different. The 3-year-old may simply want to know how the baby got out of your stomach, while a 6-year-old may be asking how a baby is actually made.
Using the wrong words or phrases can sometimes scare children. If you are asked, for instance, how the baby came out and explain your C-section using words like “cut out,” it’s possible that your child will be alarmed. The same applies to the decision of whether to use specific terms or general ones. For example, describing the uterus allows a child to understand that it is separate from the stomach or belly.
Be honest
It’s an old maxim, but it is true: Honesty is the best policy. It’s natural to find these conversations about the birds and the bees awkward or uncomfortable, but those aren’t reasons to avoid them altogether. Kids who are dismissed may feel shame or embarrassment or believe their questions are inappropriate or bad. If they can’t get honest answers from you, they may seek (and find) the wrong information from other kids, adults, or the internet.
By remaining honest, for example—and not reaching for fairytales of baby-delivering storks—you can help your child develop a healthy relationship with the human body, pregnancy, and sex.
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