Managing Finances in a Relationship: Should I Give My Boyfriend a Loan?

Introduction

Welcome to For Love & Money, a Business Insider column dedicated to answering your relationship and money questions. This week, we explore a reader’s dilemma about lending money to her boyfriend to start a business. She needs advice on maintaining boundaries when it comes to finances in a relationship.

Dear For Love & Money,

The Dilemma

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years, and we are planning for marriage and starting a family together. We live together, and we have strict rules about our finances. We have always kept our finances separate, and we don’t influence each other’s spending or saving habits.

Recently, my boyfriend decided to start a lawn care business and approached me for a $12,000 loan. I believe in his potential for success and appreciate his promise to repay the loan. However, I am hesitant because I maintain a firm boundary against getting involved in each other’s finances. I am unsure whether I should compromise my financial boundary or stick to it. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Supportive, but Scared

Response from For Love & Money

Dear Supportive, but Scared,

Boundaries are crucial in any relationship, especially when it comes to finances. Your boundaries have helped you avoid the conflict and control issues that plagued your parents’ marriage. If your boyfriend has earned your trust and respects your boundaries, it may be time to reconsider your stance. Remember, boundaries are not walls; they can be more like gates that open with the key of trust.

Your boyfriend has requested a loan, not an investment. This shows his understanding of your hesitance about financial entanglement and his respect for your boundaries. It’s essential to distinguish between a boundary and a value. A boundary is a protection mechanism, while a value is a firm belief. You can reconsider your boundary while standing by your value of not interfering with each other’s money habits.

Ultimately, the decision comes down to trust. Do you trust your boyfriend enough to honor your values once you’ve let him past the boundary line?

Rooting for you,

For Love & Money

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About the Author

Meet Olivia Christensen, the author behind For Love & Money. Olivia is a seasoned writer with a passion for providing financial advice that caters to real-life relationship scenarios.

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