How Being the Eldest Child Shapes Your Parenting Style

Understanding the Influence of Birth Order on Parenting

Have you ever wondered how being the eldest child shapes the kind of parent you become? While each oldest child’s experience is unique, it’s often marked by carrying a lot of responsibility—whether it was looking after younger siblings, taking on more household chores, or navigating uncharted territory as the family trailblazer. These early experiences don’t simply fade away when you have your own kids!

From being highly organized to feeling the pressure to “get it all right,” eldest kids tend to bring a lot of big-sibling energy into parenting. Here, we explore common traits of oldest children and how those traits can influence their approach to raising kids.

How Does Being the Eldest Child Shape Your Personality?

Eldest children tend to get a lot of attention from their parents—after all, they’re the family’s firstborn! “Parents have more time to dedicate to their firstborn kids because they don’t have other kids that they’re taking care of,” explains Jennifer Katzenstein, PhD, Director of Psychology, Neuropsychology, and Social Work at Johns Hopkins All Children’s Hospital. “So, parents tend to be more aware, more focused, thinking about how they’re approaching each situation, and very attentive to that child’s needs.” In fact, research shows that firstborns often get more cognitive stimulation from their parents (like reading, teaching, and engaging activities) than later-born children, providing them with an educational and cognitive advantage compared to their younger siblings.

Common Traits of Eldest Children:

• Responsible
• Conscientious
• Well-behaved
• Ambitious
• Reliable
• Stubborn
• Perfectionistic
• Organized
• Controlling

Firstborn children can also be a bit bossy and may become overachievers due to their ambitious nature. As other children come along, eldest children often take on a leadership role, teaching their younger siblings everything they’ve learned.

Surprising Ways Eldest Child Traits Impact Parenting Style

Naturally, core personality traits play a significant role in how you raise kids. Here are a few ways being the eldest child can shape parenting style:

They Can Be a Bit More “Type A”

When it comes to firstborns, Dr. Katzenstein explains, “[There is] more worry about failure, sometimes what we call a type A personality. Firstborns are very attentive, very much hyper-aware of everyone’s emotions and needs, and constantly reacting to that.” This laser-focused, type A personality can sometimes cause eldest children to become perfectionists, making them more prone to stress and anxiety over how they’re raising their kids.

They Prefer Organization and Routine

Schedules and routines tend to be an essential part of the eldest child’s parenting style, which is often a direct reflection of their own upbringing. This detail-oriented nature can make it difficult to “go with the flow” when schedules or routines are interrupted.

They Can Be Strict

In general, the firstborn child tends to be a little bossy, says Dr. Katzenstein. They may be a bit more authoritarian with their kids, wanting to be very set in how they parent and very strict. Eldest children may create stern rules for their kids, such as a chore chart and strict bedtime routines.

They Are Inherently Responsible

Eldest kids are typically tasked with responsibility early on, so they may feel as though they’ve helped “raise” their siblings over the years. Once they become parents, this responsibility carries over, leading them to organize schedules, plan activities, and keep tabs on schoolwork.

For more on how birth order can shape parenting styles, click here.

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